What About Us?

I've been reading "Female Chauvinist Pigs" by Ariel Levy and it got me to thinking. In a nutshell, Ariel states that we've become interested in strip clubs, raunch culture and general sluttiness to be, in a sick and twisted way, on par with men. We've turned feminism into something that actually ends up being about what men want, and not what women need. She didn't really touch on black women, she touched on women in general. Being a black woman, I came to formulate my own ideas.

We have countless songs by urban "divas" that talk about doing "whatever (men) like." We're singing songs about "catering" to them and having fresh do-rags and warm food on the table. These songstresses are singing about what they can offer to a man in the bedroom and not really discussing what they can do for EACH OTHER.

While I can say that I am guilty of certain behaviors in "Female Chauvinist Pigs," I can say that I didn't do those things to make guys happy. I did them because I was genuinely curious about certain things, including where I wanted to take my own sexuality (Oh, I was always straight. LOL I just wanted tips to be honest lol. I mean if a guy I am with likes that, I better know the moves so he doesn't go to the damned strip club when he can get it at home).

These days we are sexual for no damned reason. We don't even know why anymore. Well we certainly don't know what our level of sexuality does for us. You have girls doing threesomes for men to make them happy, all the while inside they are cringing at the thought at being with another woman and deeply hurt that he would even be okay with it. We are taking smutty pictures for men that certainly don't deserve them, and hoping that he's a gentleman who won't send them around. Then we act dismayed when we find our pics all over MySpace. What does this do for us? Nothing.

Some women know that they have to go down on their man, but refuse to demand that their men go down on them. I've been of the opinion that if you ain't lickin', you ain't stickin' since I was in high school. I'll give you head because I like it, but don't expect to keep getting it if you don't return the favor. I have been eager to please the men I have been with, especially my baby now, but I also expect that same sort of dilligence.

I am not saying that you musn't cater to your man and sit back and have him do all the work. I am saying that the best kind of pleasure is MUTUAL, not one-directional.

Fetish: Semen Based Recipes?

(Photo courtesy of You Know You Dead Azz Wrong)

I am all for trying new fetishes with my man. I will even admit to swallowing or playing with his "nectar" for a lack of better words. I don't know how I feel about semen based recipes. Let me post what this "cook book" is about before I go any further:

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

You can buy the book at Lulu.com and it's by a gay male named Fotie Photenauer (or Photenhauer). In one of his new blog posts, he goes on to extrapolate on the greatness that is semen for cooking.

Now, who would you be cooking the semen based foods for? Would it be for you and your mate, who I presume donated the semen for the meal? Would it be for partygoers? Who would imbibe of anyone else's semen in the day and age of HIV/AIDS, STIs and the like?

It's almost like watching Rome fall. Semen baths to keep the skin youthful? Yup! That's Rome for you. Only, now we're going to cooking with it. Anyone up for a vanilla milkshake?

I am not sure if this is a hoax or not. I would be leaning on it not being a hoax, only because the person put it on Lulu.com, which won't necessarily guarantee a bunch of traffic directly to one person. I am still nauseated though.

You know it's bad when even men wouldn't want to donate their semen to even see you drink the White Russian made out of jizz.

Sexual Script Series: The Freak vs. The Sexually Confident Woman

After reading a post I spotted at WhatAboutOurDaughters.com, I decided to elaborate on the sexual scripts that black women are either forced to follow or willingly adhere to.

I wanted to talk about the "freak" first and I wanted to pit her against the "sexually confident woman" script that I think Black women AIM to be, but too often, because of a range of factors, we end up being painted as or being freaks.

For me, being a freak has lost its "cool" factor. I won't lie. When I was younger, I would tell my male conquests I was a freak, but I was basically saying that if we got into a committed relationship, or decided to make a go, I'd work my hardest at pleasing them. It didn't mean I would hang from the rafters while simultaneously eating another girl out then ending in a split on his dick. These days, that's what that means.

I think it's important to teach black women that there is a difference and being freaky in today's terms is not something to brag on.

The sexually confident woman knows what she wants sexually, and tries to achieve it. The sexually confident woman knows how to please a man but she is quiet about it, until they have reached a level in their relationship where she feels he deserves to see and know what tricks she has up her sleeve.

The freak may not know what she wants, but like a blindfolded boxer, will take a shot at anything just to prove her worth. The freak more often than not does things that she will regret in the morning, because she did them in the interest of being "freaky," not true to herself or even her partner. It's always about chasing a new trick, as opposed to really firming down the essentials.

The difference is like a a Gucci suit versus an Orange suit bought at the Swap Meet. The unfortunate thing is Black women haven't traditionally had open sexual convos between themselves or with their parents growing up to know what's healthy and what's not.

How is anything going to change if we don't progress and evolve?

Why Would You Want To Take Someone Else's Man?

Blogxilla recently posted tips on how to keep/take someone else's boo and I had to ask why would anyone want to take someone else's man?

I am no angel, I did it in high school. Hell, I even wanted to do it as an adult, and I even pushed along a break up. I guess I'd weigh the scenarios first by detailing my situations.

In high school I did it because me and my homegirl were feuding. But it went deeper than that. Her boyfriend Mike* and I were the victims of some "Cruel Intentions" type drama that was going down. It was crazy! My boyfriend was stepping out on me with a chick who was supposed to be my ace and my homegirl was stepping out on Mike. We were both victims and what do victims tend to do? They bond over the very thing that victimized them. Our attraction sprung overnight it seemed and we had a passionate and fun relationship until he got his head up his ass and I met my ex-husband.

My current man, Mister, was not quite me taking another chick's man, but kind of. He had been seeing a chick that was stepping out on him. I understand not wanting to be alone so I kind of see why he took his time to break it off. That is hard to do. We had struck up a friendship, we were both attracted to each other. When I found out a few months earlier that he was dating that chick, I left it alone. I knew that it would've been easy to take him away from her because, while she was easy to smash, she didn't know how to keep him by being an unfaithful, self-centered harpy. I played my position because I knew she would screw up and that she did. He was a hair away from breaking up with her but just needed to hear it from someone else. I saw my opportunity, went for it and was there to comfort him. We've been together for just two to three months short of three years, his longest relationship to date, and my second longest.

I do not regret for a second what I did with Mister. I don't even think she was hurt by losing him. She was more upset that someone rejected her rotten ass in the face of her inability to be anything but selfish and immature. I genuinely didn't want to see him hurt or sad and I figured even if we end up just being friends, it's okay. I guess I just really liked him and his personality. Part of me wanted to help, but most of me really wanted to treat him the way he deserved to be treated. Besides, girls like that for me ain't about a damned thing. She had a good dude and she was out there chasing attention from men on Myspace. Attention whores grate on my nerves.

Did I want to conquer a former conquest once we met again in the past? Yes. It made me an asshole to be honest and it's something that I'm glad never got anywhere because in hindsight it wouldn't have worked.

There are so many extenuating circumstances to the situation. If you meet a guy whose on the last legs of a relationship who is being treated like crap and hates life everyday because of a cheating or hurtful mate, and he's a good guy, can I fault anyone for wanting to rescue him? No. Especially if you know you could make him happy. You get into murky territory when the circumstances of his unhappiness, real or perceived, are blurred, especially by you.

Is he pissy because his girlfriend or wife won't let him be a loser or walk all over her? If so, then don't engage. That's an immature guy that wants it easy. If it's a proven fact that she's cheating, abusing him or his kids, etc. then I say just be there for him and be the person he can run to. Let the dice roll where they may and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. God works in mysterious ways, His matchmaking skills are no different.

Is it ever okay to take someone else's man? Thoughts?

I Am Losing It

Life without sex would kill me. As it stands imy sexual intake has been reduced as Mister is going through some things. I am feeling lonely and moody. God knows I'm depressed. I do not want to and will not cheat but I am slowly going insane.

I am trying to be understanding as they are health related issues he is facing, but I am having a hard time. I just don't know how to cope I guess. We know what to do to fix it, but how long will it take? How long can I keep my mojo?

I have become envious of others. I feel like I am the only one in the world suffering. I know that's wrong but I will attribute such insanity to my lack of sex. I haven't gotten laid since Sunday morning (early). I don't know when my next roll in the hay will come and it bothers me.

Have any of you gone through this? How did you deal with a slow in sexual activity in your relationship?

Celebrity Series: What Would You Do With...

The Game?

I ask because one of my favorite songs is "Dreams of F*ckin' an R&B Bitch" by Biggie. We have ALL been there. Trust me. I went through some pics and picked The Game to start off with. I want to do this weekly.

I'm still mulling over how to finish "El Mariachi." I need to make my mind up!

I'm not really interested in Game. My baby is perfect, so baby if you are reading this, you know what it is.

I will set it up like this. If my baby cheated on me with a neighbor and I broke up with him then went to a club and sealed the deal with Game, I'd probably approach him in a totally submissive manner. He doesn't look like he makes love. I would just take my thrashing and be on with it. What about you?

I Don't Need a Man To Tell Me...

How to please a man orally.

I will not lie and say that this dude doesn't have skills, but at the same time, I have to ask what the hell is going on?

You know that we have become too presumptious when it's okay for this man to think that it's okay to give lessons to men and women alike via YouTube of all places on fellatio.

You do your thing, honey and I will do mine. I do not need tips. Matter of fact, if anyone requires tips on something like fellatio, they need help in a variety of other sexual areas.

Finally!!!!

We finally went to a hotel this weekend. I think it was a valuable experience (in more ways than one! *giggle*) and it really helped me to gain perspective in our relationship.

We stayed at a lovely hotel in the city. We had the kids with my mom and went to dinner, went to play some games and came back to make love. He did everything right. He had me going before he even actually started. I was that turned on. We've been together for a few years now, and I still have a crush on him. I love his presence. I can't be around him enough.

A few months back, I wrote about an issue I had where I wanted us to go to a hotel for a weekend getaway and Mister did not want to go. I took it personally. I didn't understand why he didn't want to get away with me.

We got into a little bust up because he's been tired lately and he finally put things in motion for us to go this weekend. He was giddy as hell by the time we got to the hotel and kept talking about it last night when we got home. It turns out I was wrong for taking it personally. What I came to realize is he hadn't done anything like that before and didn't get it. It had nothing to do with me. I apologized for being so short-sighted. I honestly feel terribly for taking it to that level. I shouldn't have given up so easily. I should've just kept it moving and showed him a good time. All things happen for a reason.

I have taken a vow to seriously evaluate the reasons I get upset about when it comes to Mister. I need to understand that we are very different people and I've seen different things than he has. I've been a lot of places. I shouldn't be so eager to push him in the water then jump in after. I should jump in first and invite him in if he's afraid or cautious.

I also realized that the main reasons I tend to blow up over the hotel situation have to do with me being hard on myself. I think that stems from some insecurities I have and I need to quit with that.

My lesson learned: Be more understanding and nurturing and less aggressive and quick to jump to conclusions.