Should Single Moms Go On Reality Dating Shows?

I haven't really watched "For The Love of Ray J" much this season, so it took me as a surprise when I saw that Miss Berry "won."

Apparently Miss Berry is a single mother, and I am just trying to figure out why Miss Berry felt the need to find love on a reality dating show.

I guess I know what sacrifice is. My mother was a single mother. My mother would've never thought, not even for a second, to go on a REALITY dating show, supposedly looking for "love" with a player (and a jackass) like Ray J.

What example does that set for the kids? I'm not saying single moms shouldn't date. But we all know what happens on reality dating shows, and afterwards. We know she's most likely not there for much of anything, because Ray J is a whore. So why take time away from her responsibilities to chase waterfalls?

What's YOUR take on this?

Valentine's Day: Decisions, Decisions!

Yeah, I know that it's over two weeks before Valentine's Day, but I was worrying myself sick. SICK! I was trying to figure out what to do for I and Mr. Slim.

Valentine's Day can be entirely too stressful for couples. I can only imagine how stressful it is for singles. I was worried about what to do. And I wanted to go out with a bang. Honestly, I decided that THIS year, we are going to take it nice and slow.

I'll be cooking for him at home. I still haven't decided yet, and he's good as long as you feed him. I'm thinking one huge thing of nachos (he loves those) or something sumptous like lobster or steak (or both) with some creative side dishes. Then we can chill in front of a fire, watch movies, eat chocolate and get it IN! LOL

Are you stressed yet? Or are you cool, taking it one day at a time?

Bachelor versus Bachelorette Parties

Me and Mr. Slim were watching the movie "Very Bad Things" last night and I just had to weigh in real quick.

"See, that's why I'm not okay with you ever going to a bachelor party because of this shit."

Of course, he was saying that he wouldn't do anything stupid, and I believe him, but when I also understand that peer pressure runs high at these things, and I think they are a little outdated.

It seems to me that for men, there is a huge amount of pressure for them to go out with a "bang" (pun intended) before they get married. Of course, like my mom used to say, "One monkey make many," so if one guy is going to do something stupid on his wife or girlfriend, he'll probably want to drag a couple of guys down with him.

I've been to strip clubs, and I've seen guys come out of the "champagne room" a little more disheveled than when they walked in. Matter of fact, the last time I went to a strip club, the girl told me that she did private events and things, as she proceeded to move her underwear over to show me her "juice box." Now, I was horrified because I only paid for a lap dance (I like to pick up their moves), I didn't pay for her to move her underwear over. That showed me that she would probably do anything at one of these private parties. Actually, she kidn of hinted at it.

I've been to male revues. The girls go crazy, they give them money, they do stuff like that, and the guys put their rock hard abs on your face, give you a lap dance, try to get you riled up, but not one of the women in that piece was under the impression that they would be getting laid. The guys never gave off that vibe. There was no pressure to sleep with one of the guys and the atmosphere is very much "touch but don't fuck." I don't think that's the case at a bachelor party.

I hate to say it, but I do have a double standard when it comes to bachelor versus bachelorette parties.

What about you? Would you be okay with your guy going to a bachelor party? Have you let him go? Why? I want to know you guys' thoughts! Enlighten a sister!

Sexiest, Most Haunting Song I've Heard This Year: BlakRoc ft Nicole Wray "Why Can't I Forget Him?"

I know I've been here before...
There was this guy, many years ago, that I could not forget. It actually made me sick, like heart sick. And no matter what I tried, I couldn't forget him. That was the worst part. I could do nothing to forget him. Eventually time healed all things, and he sauntered into my life.

It was too late...

Erotic Poetry: "Crush"

This joint was submitted by a loyal reader Lola the Lurker. Enjoy!
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"Crush"

You walked in to the room tonight
I saw you instantly
We've never met, but I've kissed you many times
touched you anytime,
fucked you incessantly.

You look my way briefly,
I swear our eyes locked for awhile
I bet you'd sex me sweetly
I want to make you smile.

You're so passionate and deep,
you look like so much fun.
I bet you'd cater to every need,
but that day may never come.

You'll just remain a crush,
and I'll just wait for your attention,
Hope you've noticed, but not wanting to rush,
you're hiding your intentions.

Dreamworlds 3: An Intimate Look At How Videos May Be Shaping Our Sexuality

I came across this video while at Racialicious and wanted to share it here because watching this brought everything home for me.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm not afraid to admit that music videos helped me to put my sexuality in context, but the results weren't always good. In real life, things don't always work out the way we would like, or as glossy as the videos make them out to be.

In real life, there are tons of emotions to go along with the images of sex, desire and power depicted in the videos. The bad girl may be having a good time, but she's hurting behind the scenes and when she's alone, she's really alone.

How are these videos shaping our interactions with each other? We live in a porn/rape culture and it shows. Whether it's Adamn Lambert wilin' out at the AMAs or some teen girl getting raped outside her homecoming dance, or even teen pimps and teen strip clubs in basements, the effects are showing.

Are we liberated or are we enslaved? Sexuality shouldn't be about enslavement, it should be liberating from the fact that it's controlled. I don't mean restrained and hidden, but controlled. Why? Because it's powerful and with great power comes a need for control before one becomes controlled by their own desires.

For me this isn't about feminism. I'm not a feminist but this video is still on point.

Thoughts?

50 Cent Lays Pipe Like a Plumber in Sex Clip from "Before I Self Destruct"

Original Video- More videos at TinyPic

O_o

I do not find Fifty attractive at all. But the mechanics of the sex scene were pretty hot if not a little exaggerated.

The (Insert Other Ethnicity Other Than Black Deemed Exotic) model was as plain as white bread. I get so tired of the bullshit sometimes with these guys, I tell ya. She really didn't give me that much fever. I like to see the women really LOVE it, not just take it. That's boring.

I am not a fan of shower sex scenes because shower sex is tremendously difficult to pull off, unless you have a big shower and tub. It's not usually that coordinated because cats don't want to smash their craniums trying to get it in.

And the lamp? C'mon, son!

What about you? Too much movie magic or did it hit your spot?

Trifling Or Empowered? Your Thoughts Wanted!

Yesterday my brother was over at our house hanging out when he told us that he needed to talk to us about something (us being Mr. Slim and I) that had happened to him a few days before.

He proceeds to tell us that he met a Caucasian chick while he was at the bus stop with a friend. Apparently she sent her sister over to talk to him and the sister stated that this chick, who we shall call Miss Gutter, found my brother attractive. The sister gets my brother's number and that night Miss Gutter calls my brother.

I expected to hear something along the lines of slight flirtations but instead he told me that she basically sexually propositioned him for this coming Monday (11/30). She told him she had "baby oil". She told him that she would do all kinds of oral.

This was the FIRST conversation and my brother said it was a lot more explicit than that. I almost can't believe her lack of self-respect or class tact.

She does not know his favorite color, food or anything about him. She doesn't know much and to make matters worse, she has a child. I am not saying her being a single mother is a bad thing per se. My mother was a single mother and eventually had a boyfriend. What I find questionable is that she is a single mother and is already propositioning a man to have sex with her without knowing anything about him, or whether he's actually a good person for her and/or her child.

I told my brother to run for the hills. Personally, a woman like that is not welcome around me or my kids, and I personally don't want that kind of skeezer infiltrating and bringing drama into the family. And as a mother, I can't even begin to respect a woman who obviously brings any kind of man around her child.

My brother's a good guy, but if she operates so blindly, I am sure he's not the first guy she's approached.

My brother wasn't really feeling her except for on a purely sexual level, but after hearing our opinions, he realized how disgusted he was at her "boldness". I hope he thinks with his head and not his "head."

Some may say that she's empowered but there's nothing empowering about desperation. And nothing is written anywhere saying that dignity needed to be thrown out the window when seeking empowerment.

What are YOUR thoughts? Trifling or empowered?

My Problem With Adam Lambert's AMA Performance

The kiss? *shrugs* Britney, Christina and Madonna did it years before at the VMAs, and it was a bit too "whores for propaganda" then, but we've since moved on. Nobody really talks about it anymore. It's certainly lost it's luster. So Adam Lambert's assertion that nobody would care if he were a woman, is kind of like pissing in the wind; a temper tantrum by someone who fancies himself an entertainer.

I watched the video, as I don't give a damn about AMAs or most music award shows anyway, seeing as how all the WRONG people get awards and all the right ones are still hustling for less recognition than they deserve.

I did watch the video and the whole thing just left a sour taste in my mouth. Talk about being raunchy for shits and giggles.

I know that sex supposedly sells, but how far is too far?

These times suck in my opinion. As a woman, and as a human being who considers herself very sexual, I can't even be down with the shit going on right now. Sex is a BEAUTIFUL thing. Sex is meaningful, it's deep, it's intimate, it's one of the most awesome things about being human. It's such a wonderful thing. Damn, it feels good. Somehow, we've cheapened it. Is it because we live in a hybrid porn/rape culture? My issue isn't him being sexual. I totally think Madonna's performance of "Like a Virgin" in the 80s was avant garde and just cool. She was being sexual and she owned it. I don't think there was anything cheap about her moves on the stage because the song itself was pretty much about being with someone for the first time. We all know that feeling. We're all virgins when we finally give ourselves to someone we've wanted for a long time.

But there was something about Lambert's performance of "For Your Entertainment" that was just cheap and tacky (not to mention that shitty ass singing...I mean DAMN!). The song was begging for attention, and then it seemed like he had to go overboard by his stage antics.

I mean I think he could have potential one day, but right now, he just joins the ranks of others who cheapen something pure for a profit.

Is This What's REALLY Sexy, Fellas?

I just have to find out if the men out there (and the ladies too) find this remotely sexy at all.

On my post at HappyNappyHead.com about Beyonce's "Video Phone" video, a "womanist" accused me of being self-righteous and slut shaming Beyonce for inquiring if I was the only one that noticed Beyonce's been getting "sluttier" with each new video, in order to garner fans.

She never did respond to my final post to her, but I will say it here.

This slut, jumpoff ass kind of behavior from these celebrities is too much. I understand the whole idea of "slut shaming". I've been on the receiving end of that, but let me tell you straight up, I wasn't being all that I could be when I was "slut shamed."

It's all about honesty. I played myself, and granted I was younger, I still played myself and the Slim of today would NEVER do something like that (oral) without getting something in return, something more concrete. I would've been more protective of my sexuality.

Is Tila acting like a bust down in this video? HELL YEAH! And it's shameful because this is a cry for attention because she doesn't love herself. If anything I feel bad for her. She is obviously shaken up by the Shawn Merriman situation, and she's looking for love in all the wrong ways.

It is NOT healthy behavior to do this on camera for people who really don't give a flying shit about her. It is not healthy to do this because she's playing herself for attention.

We all like attention, but playing yourself for it is always an indicator that something's really wrong.

Get help, Tila. There's nothing wrong with counseling, sister!