What About Us?

I've been reading "Female Chauvinist Pigs" by Ariel Levy and it got me to thinking. In a nutshell, Ariel states that we've become interested in strip clubs, raunch culture and general sluttiness to be, in a sick and twisted way, on par with men. We've turned feminism into something that actually ends up being about what men want, and not what women need. She didn't really touch on black women, she touched on women in general. Being a black woman, I came to formulate my own ideas.

We have countless songs by urban "divas" that talk about doing "whatever (men) like." We're singing songs about "catering" to them and having fresh do-rags and warm food on the table. These songstresses are singing about what they can offer to a man in the bedroom and not really discussing what they can do for EACH OTHER.

While I can say that I am guilty of certain behaviors in "Female Chauvinist Pigs," I can say that I didn't do those things to make guys happy. I did them because I was genuinely curious about certain things, including where I wanted to take my own sexuality (Oh, I was always straight. LOL I just wanted tips to be honest lol. I mean if a guy I am with likes that, I better know the moves so he doesn't go to the damned strip club when he can get it at home).

These days we are sexual for no damned reason. We don't even know why anymore. Well we certainly don't know what our level of sexuality does for us. You have girls doing threesomes for men to make them happy, all the while inside they are cringing at the thought at being with another woman and deeply hurt that he would even be okay with it. We are taking smutty pictures for men that certainly don't deserve them, and hoping that he's a gentleman who won't send them around. Then we act dismayed when we find our pics all over MySpace. What does this do for us? Nothing.

Some women know that they have to go down on their man, but refuse to demand that their men go down on them. I've been of the opinion that if you ain't lickin', you ain't stickin' since I was in high school. I'll give you head because I like it, but don't expect to keep getting it if you don't return the favor. I have been eager to please the men I have been with, especially my baby now, but I also expect that same sort of dilligence.

I am not saying that you musn't cater to your man and sit back and have him do all the work. I am saying that the best kind of pleasure is MUTUAL, not one-directional.