After reading a post I spotted at WhatAboutOurDaughters.com, I decided to elaborate on the sexual scripts that black women are either forced to follow or willingly adhere to.
I wanted to talk about the "freak" first and I wanted to pit her against the "sexually confident woman" script that I think Black women AIM to be, but too often, because of a range of factors, we end up being painted as or being freaks.
For me, being a freak has lost its "cool" factor. I won't lie. When I was younger, I would tell my male conquests I was a freak, but I was basically saying that if we got into a committed relationship, or decided to make a go, I'd work my hardest at pleasing them. It didn't mean I would hang from the rafters while simultaneously eating another girl out then ending in a split on his dick. These days, that's what that means.
I think it's important to teach black women that there is a difference and being freaky in today's terms is not something to brag on.
The sexually confident woman knows what she wants sexually, and tries to achieve it. The sexually confident woman knows how to please a man but she is quiet about it, until they have reached a level in their relationship where she feels he deserves to see and know what tricks she has up her sleeve.
The freak may not know what she wants, but like a blindfolded boxer, will take a shot at anything just to prove her worth. The freak more often than not does things that she will regret in the morning, because she did them in the interest of being "freaky," not true to herself or even her partner. It's always about chasing a new trick, as opposed to really firming down the essentials.
The difference is like a a Gucci suit versus an Orange suit bought at the Swap Meet. The unfortunate thing is Black women haven't traditionally had open sexual convos between themselves or with their parents growing up to know what's healthy and what's not.
How is anything going to change if we don't progress and evolve?
11/26/08
Sexual Script Series: The Freak vs. The Sexually Confident Woman
Posted by Seattle Slim at 6:07 AM
Labels: Casual Sex, Freaks, Just Sex, Relationships, Sex
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3 comments:
very interesting ... but i think you are walking a real tight line!
"The sexually confident woman knows what she wants sexually, and tries to achieve it"
-- 1. How do you know what you want if you don't try different things. We all had things we said we would never do at a young age, but as we grow older we start to look at things differently. With age usually comes experience, and you have to take some chances and do somethings that you may or may not have thought you would have. If you say that you know yourself and have never ventured out the box, I beg to differ that you really know yourself. You can very rarely say something is not you without experiencing that its not for you.
2. You may know what you want, but you might not know all the things you like. The freak always keeps things interesting. The sexually confident woman to me is just the evolving freak, and we are always evolving so you cant have one without the other.
"The sexually confident woman knows how to please a man but she is quiet about it,until they have reached a level in their relationship where she feels he deserves to see and know what tricks she has up her sleeve"
-- 1. How did you get those tricks up your sleeve? Were you not being freaky and found out you liked this and that a man might like it.
2. How do you know you can please the man if yall don't speak about what he likes. All men are different just like women are different. We all don't like the same things. Maybe what i like to you is freaky, and maybe what i like to you is boring. You cant throw a chick under the bus b/c she is willing to go in.
I understand what you're saying. For me, the difference can be compared to someone who is confident vs. someone who is cocky. Confident people are sure of themselves, therefor they don't feel the need to expose themselves or do things out of the ordinary; cocky peple feel the need to show off, all the time because deep down inside, they're not sure of themselves in any way.
"It didn't mean I would hang from the rafters while simultaneously eating another girl out then ending in a split on his dick."
LMFAO!!! Omg, that cracked me up to no end!
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